Palash Week 4 - The Voice I Don't Recognize
There is something oddly disturbing about hearing your own voice in a recording. The first time I heard myself in a video or a voice message, my immediate reaction was “Do I really sound like that?” The audio recording isn’t distorted or edited in any way; that is genuinely what others hear when I speak. That voice, which I have known my entire life, feels completely unfamiliar.
The strange part is that I hear my voice all the time. I talk constantly, so you would think that I would have a pretty accurate idea of what I sound like. But when I speak, I don’t hear my voice the same way everyone else does. I hear it partly through vibrations that travel through my body, changing the way the sound reaches my ears.
The voice that I recognize as our own when I speak is actually a version that I only get to hear.
I thought that I had a deep voice.
I don’t.
That makes me wonder how much of my identity is based on things that other people experience differently about me.
My laugh is one example. With firm conviction, I know what it sounds like. But in reality, that isn’t the case once again. I know how I sound when I explain something, tell a joke, or talk to a teacher, but a recording of that can instantly make all those versions of myself sound completely unfamiliar.
Maybe that’s why hearing yourself in a recording is uncomfortable. It’s not just a strange sound; it is a way of viewing yourself from someone else’s perspective. For once, rather than experiencing my voice from inside my own head, I am hearing it the way another person might.
It also makes me realize that identity is not completely something we get to define for ourselves. We can choose our words, tone, and the way we speak, but ultimately, other people experience those choices from a different perspective.
The voice I recognize as mine may not be the same voice they recognize when I call their name. Perhaps that difference is what makes identity so complicated.
Palash, I agree with your take on how acknowledging outside perceptions may skew the versions of ourselves we build up in our head. I had a similar experience to yours, and always get self-conscious when listening to the way I pronounce words, the tones of my voice, and my volume when reviewing recordings. I think sometimes, it feels like a loss of identity. A part of your identity is knowing the way you talk, walk, or just approach life. To hear from an outside source, like voice recordings, that this perception is wrong, could certainly make you want to shift your identity into matching your mental self-image, and erase the parts of your true identity in order to grow into the person you want to be.
ReplyDeleteI know I’ve tried making my voice sound different in order to match what I wanted to hear. However, upon listening to your interpretation, I realize that these supposed flaws or oddities we find in personal characteristics like voice or demeanor, make up so much of who we are.
In general, I enjoy reading your blogs because they make me think about small things in our lives, inside jokes, names, conversations, and now voice, and how they may seem minuscule because we get used to them. You pay attention to the small details, and elaborate on how meaningful they make our lives, without us even realizing it. You stick to one main tone, philosophical but also personal, and this consistency allows us, as readers, to build a connection to you, as a speaker, and I find that engaging.
Hi Palash! I totally relate to the weird feeling not recognizing your recorded voice. Honestly, I always get self-conscious about the way I speak and how other people perceive me. Just when we were recording our “My Best Thing” videos, I was quite nervous and scrutinized every little detail.
ReplyDeleteThe way your voice changes when it is recorded also reminds me of how your face looks different in the mirror compared to how people actually see you. Sometimes when looking at photos, my face feels off because it is reflected from what I usually see. But people see that version of me all the time. Just like your voice, it shows how a large part of identity is based on other people’s perception rather than our self-image. I agree that, although it can be uncomfortable, these different perspectives may be beneficial; they allow our identities to be more nuanced and complex.
From reading the other comments on this blog post, it looks like this is something that almost everyone can relate to, myself included. As a kid, I was always told I sounded like a little boy, which I didn’t understand until I recorded myself talking. I tried to make my voice deeper for ages, but it never really changed until I got a bit older.
ReplyDeleteYou repeat the words “completely unfamiliar,” which really captures the jarring reality of not recognizing your own voice. I mean, it seems like your voice should be one of the most familiar things to you ever, right? But it’s not, and that subversion of expectations is really confusing.
I liked how you transitioned from describing the shock of not recognizing your own voice to a reflection on how we don’t get to “define” how other people perceive us. It’s kind of a bittersweet conclusion: who we are inside will never match the way people see us exactly, but people still like us despite that perceived incongruence.
Ever since I was a child I would always have EXTREME difficulty pronouncing my r’s, and although I would notice when speaking at times, I found it especially prevalent in recordings. Thankfully, I was recently able to train my jaw into pronouncing them properly for the most part, but whenever I watch a video from a while back, it just places more of a difference between the current and past me.
ReplyDeleteClearly like many others, I have also definitely experienced this, especially when recording something for a class. When I’m speaking I’ll think I’m really cooking something up, but when I listen back to the recording, I only then notice how I was rushing at some parts or left some sounds out of words entirely.
Your question about how much of your identity was based on things other people experience differently about you was very interesting to me. Personally, I don’t think it matters whether they hear the same voice you do or see your own face the same way you do; things like that simply stand as distinguishing features about yourself, what really matters is your personality.
I’ve noticed in all of your blogs, in some way you ponder if memories and people’s associations with certain ideas alter their meanings, and I have personally found it really interesting. The only qualm I have is that it feels a little bit repetitive, but I do think this week you still did find a fairly unique idea. I would say your greatest strength is the way you structure your blog. The way you present your topic and the thoughts you hold based on it is always very engaging, although I don’t think I can explain exactly why.