Rukmini - Week 3: Eldest
My dad told me when I was young to be the “first penguin,” which is a common saying that references how penguins are afraid to move forward unless the first penguin makes a step into the unknown.
I am the eldest of my family. Not just the eldest of MY family though, the eldest grandchild on both sides of the family. In addition to that, my parents are both the eldest of THEIR families. So yup, being the eldest child in MY family, does come with a ton of responsibilities.
I have one younger brother. However, I grew up taking care of my little brother, my younger cousin sister, and my baby cousin sister. I think at one point the adults in my family were just like, “Nah, she’s got it.”
Every event, every party, every visit, I always get told to “be in charge.” That means, I am responsible for literally everything. At this point, I may as well be a 3-in-1 shampoo because I have to ensure they aren’t doing anything stupid, I have to ensure they aren’t fighting, and if they do fight, I have to keep them away from each other's throats.
Then, on top of being the judge, the jury, and the witness, I have to find ways to distract them so they don’t do anything else stupid. That said, I love them, and I’m actually quite grateful I get to serve that role.
However, in recent years, being an eldest daughter is something that people pity. They say we become super anxious and are just the teensiest bit bossy because we end up being toughened up by our dads, pressured by our moms, and role models to our younger siblings.
I don’t think I’m bossy. Right? I’m not bossy?
Right.
All jokes aside, I do feel the pressure when my siblings turn to me for advice with their friends or their school work, or sometimes I just have to set them straight when they get out of line.
See? I’m not bossy!
I think everybody has these innate traits, the need to lead, or for following, for comfort, or for new environments. But birth order automatically designates roles to each person. Whether that’s being the friendly younger sibling who learned from the older ones, or the practical older one who looks out for the younger ones.
I wouldn’t be myself if I wasn’t the older one, the leader, the caretaker. So, please say thank you to your older siblings, and if you are an older sibling or an only child, just pat yourself on the back, and say thank you to your parents for making you the family dictator for life. All hail the first penguin!
I really liked how you connected being the eldest child to the idea of being the “first penguin,” especially because it shows how being the eldest can almost force you into becoming a leader before you even realize it. I can relate to that experience because I am an older sibling myself, with a 6 year difference between my sister and I.
ReplyDeleteThe part about being responsible for your younger siblings and cousins made me think about how birth order in the family completely shapes someone’s personality simply because of the expectations family and others place upon them.
I also thought it was interesting how you pushed back against the idea that being the eldest daughter automatically causes them to have a bossy personality. The way you described giving advice or stepping in when your siblings are doing something wrong makes it seem that you truly want to help when something is wrong, rather than about control. It makes me question how much of these traits that we have are actually natural parts of ourselves and how much of them develop based on our roles in our families.
I completely align with your statement that you “wouldn’t be yourself” without being the older one, because it raises the question about whether our identities are shaped more by who we naturally are or by the responsibilities we are given growing up. As I have grown, I have realized most of the tasks and responsibilities that were pressured upon me by my parents have not been the same with my sister and I think that this push from my parents on me, the older child, has benefited my development both as a person and a student a great amount.
I myself am an older sibling, but compared to the rest of my family, all of my cousins were mostly either older than me or the same age. Although I still have to take care of my brother and his cousin—who’s practically his best friend—my parents, my mom especially, did not really trust me completely to take care of them on my own.
ReplyDeleteI have also noticed that people often pity the older sibling, and I also truly think it's not that bad. If anything, I am glad that I got to be my parents' test subject instead of my brother, as I would much rather have to undergo negative experiences than watch him do so.
I found your point about birth order “automatically” designating roles to people very interesting, as it was never something I really considered. I really can’t imagine how I would be if I was an only child or a younger sibling, as I think I have learnt so much about people in general by needing to take care of my little brother.
Throughout your blog I think you utilized humor really well, and I really liked the different ways you incorporated it. Like, for example, sometimes you would do so by referring to phrases like the “first penguin,” and sometimes through personal interjections. I have noticed that your previous two blogs have had a lot more personality in them, where you focus a lot more on your thoughts, allowing you to add things like the previously mentioned humor and keep your blog very engaging throughout.
Rukmini, I think it was interesting how you used the phrase “first penguin” to describe your experience with being an older sibling. As an older sibling myself, we both share many similarities of having to take the “first step.”
ReplyDeleteI feel that most older siblings are born being the more courageous but careful ones; it takes responsibility to be the oldest, having to take care of those younger. As you said, many view us as “bossy” but we’re just trying to get the job done correctly! I mean, I just can’t stand it when my sister has ten times the storage space than me, yet still has things all over her desk. Where did this random cotton ball come from or why are there five pencils laying around the mountain of scrapped paper stacked on the desk? I’m sorry, but I need to clean that up, even if she has a frown on her face or my parents tell me otherwise.
I liked how you pointed out that wanting what is best for your younger sibling is truly the motive behind our “bossy” acts. Just like you said, we want them to “have it easier” so they don’t have to go through the stuff we did. I want my sister to actually read and learn proper grammar because I’m preparing her for the time she might want to take English 9 honors in the future. I don’t want her to struggle like I did, contemplating the meaning of grammar in the process. I want her to practice outside of homework, not because I hate her, but because I want to put less stress on her. That’s the way of the older sibling.
I enjoyed how you connected your point of being the eldest sibling to how that further shapes one’s identity. It was interesting how you stated that certain qualities come with being the oldest person which then indirectly assigns them roles in the family. Although being the “first penguin” comes with a lot of responsibilities, I can’t visualize what life would be like without having my annoying younger sister.
Hi Rukmini! I liked how you used a lot of your personal experiences and how you used your writing style to convey your insight on being the “eldest.” I can relate to your experience, as I also have a younger brother; which also caused my parents and other family to push expectations and responsibilities onto me.
ReplyDeleteThe notion of the oldest child being the “first penguin” also encapsulates the importance of birth order as they shape a person's identity. As birth order is given to you out of your control, the first penguin is often pushed out of the crowd by the other penguins and forced to jump off the ice. They test the waters for predators hidden from view when on ice, similar to how the eldest child gets to figure out life first, making it easier for the younger siblings as they learn from you.
I also find it interesting how many older siblings can relate to the same expectations and feelings. I remember watching YouTube Shorts during the pandemic and watching skits comparing the lives of the youngest, middle, and oldest child. Across racial backgrounds, the oldest child was always depicted as having more responsibilities and more expectations placed by the parents, while middle children would be mostly ignored and the youngest child would be babied and treated the best. Despite having this label of the “eldest” pushed onto you, it is interesting how you embraced it and became an integral part of your identity.